(October 3rd, 2008. 6:20pm.)

This is what happens when you get a life.

Let me specify the major changes that have occurred over the past six months of my life.

One. I moved. I am officially out of my parents house - though I visit often, as I still work out there - and in the city. Life has changed drastically. I now have less money, less time, less food, and different kinds of stress. The grass is always greener, right? I'm loving the city. Except for little things like, for instance, how I was on the train today and an announcement is made over the intercom. The voice overpowers the music ringing through my headphones and into my ears. The voice warns, "Attention all passengers. Please keep an eye on your belongings, as there are known pickpocketers on the train." Joy.

Two. I have begun my second semester of Advanced Fiction, and it's something that keeps me busy as hell. I've never written more in my life than I have since I moved into this apartment. I literally write every single day, which is a task I'd struggled with up until this point. My fingers are growing sore with joint pains from pushing pen across paper, slamming out letters on a laptop, scanning lines in books that I love or hate and trying to figure out what about them makes me feel that way. This leads me to...

Three. I am now a Fiction Tutor. I teach others in the Fiction Writing program how to improve their writing. I spend two hours with each individual student, shut in a four by four cubicle with white walls and two chairs facing each other. I take them through the Story Workshop approach, focus solely on their work and in turn, learn about my own shit. It's a lot of work but proving to be very beneficial. However, it takes up 70% of my week and that is killing me - hence not having time to afford a blog update here and there.

Four. I've adopted a kitten. She's crazy. She's adorable. I named her Avery and she hates when I read; she'll chew on my fingers, swat at the pages, lay on top of the book. The same goes for when I'm on my phone, my computer, eating... but in her quiet moments, she's a doll.

Five. I am still working where I used to, which means having to commute almost an hour in hellish traffic throughout the week. Then, I turn around and commute right back. So if you haven't picked up on it yet: I have no time for anything anymore. Hurrah!

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(March 31st, 2008. 11:27pm.)

A High School Flash (Fiction) Back

At one time she would walk around with her head held high. People loved her, people knew her. She was someone who was missed when gone. She was the kind of person you envied too much to hate. Her smile curled toes & her gaze was capable of heartbreak. She had a name.

A fault arose as years went by & frailty became her middle name. The world she knew slowly ran together, merging like two colors on a damp watercolor canvas. The result was not pretty. She shut herself up; a door was locked in her ind & the key was hidden safely in the back of her weakened heart.

Without a name or a face to place with it, she wandered aimlessly on unnoticed & alone until one day she could bare it no longer. She sat down in the middle of a busy city sidewalk & pulled her legs into her quivering body. The sun beamed overhead, mercilessly baking her unwashed skin as she folded in on herself.

Millions of thoughts swarmed behind her eyes, emotions building up behind the door whose key was safely forgotten. But the door was frail like her & as the feelings heaved, the barricade began to crack. A splinter ran down the middle with a terrifyingly loud rip & the girl closed her eyes as she began to rock back & forth.

Tremors burst through her body in waves & shook her small frame as the lock was broken. All at once she was laughing & crying, smiling & sobbing, loving & despising until everything went black.

Fluttering eyes pry open to reveal a dimming day. A heart beats slowly in rhythm with shallow breathing. She tries to sit up & her heart kicks in, racing against the one of slow melody. The one that doesn't belong to her because it belongs to the arms wrapped tightly around her, the eyes that are slowly opening & accompanied by an unsure smile. She pulls away, an unfamiliar feeling of fear coursing through her body.

When had she last felt anything at all? But she has no time to answer her own question as the arms & the heart & the eyes with the smile stand slowly, connected to the body of a man. And the man's lips are moving, speaking words meant for her. The first words she's truly heard in years. And they're asking her if she's okay, & they're sounding like they actually care. Her heart skips a beat because he's asking her 'what's your name?' but she's fumbling for a response.

She has a name?

Her tongue feels lazy & drunk in her mouth. Its lack of use has left her paralyzed for any words. His arms don't seem to mind as he reaches down & extends a hand. Hesitantly, she places her palm in his & begins her ascent into happiness.

But she's hurting again, her body firmly on the ground. Her arm reminds frozen in the air, empty handed & confused. The muscle in her mouth rolls around, anxious & in desperate need to scream 'why?!' The horrified loon on his face offers a piece of the puzzle but her mind is already reeling. She races through her head in search of the door, her fingers fumbling for a bigger lock this time around. Her heart pounds with such force that her bones rattle.

The eyes of the man companioned now with watery eyes & downward lips glare accusingly at her. He moves to lift up his shirt & reveals the words inscribed on his chest, which read 'I only want love.'

She gasps softly & stares blankly as his shirt lowers while he backs away & her eyes lower to her own hand where his saddened gaze rests.

Carved into her hand, words scream at the top of their voices accusingly.

'I only want sympathy.'

The door flies shut & is locked & bolted. The key is piercing her heart.

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